Mumbai to Shanghai

Folks, this week I am visiting Hong Kong and its been 9 years since I came here last. My last trip was in 1999 when Hongkong had just recently reverted to China and the difference needs to be seen.

I can sincerely say that our dear CM should forget about making Mumbai into Shanghai and concentrate on making it into a Hong Kong. They have similar problem to ours and see how they have overcome them. They have a small area ( HK is a group of islands off the main land), so is Mumbai. It has a large amount of illegal immigrants, so does Mumbai. It is a financial centre, so is Mumbai. The similarities are too many to list here , the solutions adopted by both show us in bright spotlight the idiocy and buffoonery of our politicians.

Before 1997, everyone predicted doomsday if the Chinese ever got hold of Hong Kong and the Indians living there were packing their bags en mass. Come 2008 and I'm sure a lot of them are kicking themselves. The market is simply booming.

As to the city, I cannot describe the difference. In 1999, it was a hangover of the colonial era with dirty buildings, semi clogged streets and litter at a lot of locations. Today its neon paradise. Tall buildings touching the skies, wide roads with smooth flowing traffic ( you will see the occasional buffoon blocking the street but Chinese will be Chinese).

What amazes me is the mindset. The buildings are just like India, and the older buildings are equally messy with large garish shops on the ground and first floors and massive neons almost everywhere. Sort of reminds me of Kalbadevi but here the government recognises the need and closes the streets off to traffic and only allows pedestrian movement during certain hours. (I have for long clamoured that the by-lanes of Linking road and Kalbadevi should be made this way)

Parking is a killer and you pay anywhere from 10 to 25 HK$ per hour for parking in main districts, but it is available when needed. Multistory carparks are built since the person who builds it is able to charge a fair price and get a fair return, unlike India where car park owners charge Rs. 10/- per hour (1.2 HK$). If we compare the cost of a similar house in HK Vs one in a metro like Mumbai we see that its definitely more profitable to put up houses / offices rather than carparks.

	Hongkong	India
Residence in good locality	HK$ 4 Million ( Rs. 2.8 Cr approx)	6 Cr ( HK$ 15 Million approx)
Car parking per hour	HK$ 25 (Rs. 175 )	Rs. 10 (HK$ 1.2)

As you can see there is incentive for people to put up car parks unlike in India. The other factor which makes putting up of car parks viable is you cannot park on the roads in HK. This forces people to use the car parks and leaves the roads free flowing. But the biggest factor is the public transport system. It is well thought of, well designed and easy to use which means that its no problem for even the richest of people to use public transport.

Everywhere we go in Hong Kong is tourist friendly. The best part is they aren't only tourist friendly as in "gora skin" or for the whiteys like we Indians are. They are even tourist friendly to the local Chinese visitors from the other provinces.

Imagine, our fat bloody politicians who scream about "Chaat Pujas" at Juhu Chowpatty actually treating the north Indian tourists who throng the Juhu Chowpatty with an iota of respect instead since they bring a lot of money into Mumbai as a city and Maharastra as a state.

Oh No, the only tourists we recognise as legitimate is anyone with a skin whiter than ours and of course the tourists we look down on are the ones with skins blacker than ours.

Folks, you may not believe this but we are one of the most racists societies in the world.

The Hong Kong government has actually put a lot of thought into making it a tourist spot. Each landmark is carefully marked and everything is made easy for the visitor. Imagine going to lengths to ensure that there are electrical sockets next to seats on the platform of the MTR for that emergency recharge for your mobile/ laptop. If it is India , we would perhaps see someone put up a shanty next to the socket and draw free power or the vada pau vendor (legal or illegal) on the platform would not have to pay any more bills thanks to the WR's largesse.

That brings me to another important aspect, law and order. There are no cops visible in HK. Can you believe that?

The only time we saw any cops was when they were taking down a report of a woman molested close to Chung King Mansion** and within minutes they were gone. Back into some dark corner of invisibility.

The point is despite the limited presence on the street, no one here breaks the law. They all know that even if the cops are not visible , they are lurking unseen, watching through eyes in the skies, waiting to swoop. Its a completely different feeling of security. In contrast, it makes me feel as if I'm living in a prison in India under the all invading eyes of the Indian cops ever afraid of what they will do next.

The laws here are very strict with there being fines like 2000 HK$ for eating or drinking inside places like stations. I asked my friends here how did they enforce it and they said , the enforcement was very strict. That is perhaps one of the reasons we see the city as one of the most visit-able in the world.

I would blindly recommend it to anyone as their next holiday destination.

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Chungking mansions is the den of iniquity in Kowloon side of HK. Here you can buy anything from a pin to a plane. The daytime you'll see it full of Indian , Pakistanis and Afghans selling out of small box like hawking stalls and at night the area becomes chock full of people of every shade of brown from the light brown of India to the dark browns of the deepest part of Africa peddling everything from the latest mobile phone copy to their bodies.

Chunk King has always been a place where the poorer sections of Africa comes to buy mixed bag of stuff which they go back and sell in their country and then come back again for another load.

What is missing in Chung King is the Chinese. They obviously seek the safer regions of HK to do their business.

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Talking about racism, I have two observations. Some time ago I had written about the Gujaratis and their food habits. I am happy to announce that you can now get Gujarati thali on the top of Mount Tittlis and Jain food on ocean cruiser Superstar Virgo.

I have no objection to this since if we can import Thai food and Indianise it and make it available everywhere I think our Indian cuisine should also have a fighting chance across the world albeit the sweeter version which is not exactly my taste. I thank the Gujaratis for making sure our cusine has a fighting chance.

The issue I have is with the way the Gujaratis flaunt their food habits. I am on a ferry boat on the way back from Macau and I have just been treated to a Gujarati blast. As lord Tennyson said "cannons to the left of them, cannons to the right of them".

The whole lot of them ( obviously many families traveling together), had each prepared some "snakes" to eat along the way. And of course as the journey got underway, they decided that that it was time they shared the food. So guess what, they get up and start chatting and passing food across the the passages just like the 5:15 Virar Local.

( Please see enclosed video for the vast contrast of the right side of the boat where the the Chinese and we are sitting and the left side where the gang decided to have their impromptu picnic.)

{ I was fully expecting an "antakshri " competition any time but luckily the trip was a hydrofoil and got over before they got warmed up }

The blocking of the passage and volume got so bad that the steward had to intervene and tell them to sit down and clear the passage before one of these idiots hurt himself when the boat went over the swells.

Lastly , when I was planning this trip, one of my friends told me that he had just visited Singapore and that there were a lot more Maharashtrians there than Gujaratis or any other type of Indians. I didnt believe it, but except for this lot I haven't seen many Gujaratis but I have definitely bumped into 4 groups of Maharastrians. It seems the Far east has lost its charm for the gujaratis ( like my travel agent was saying) and they have all headed for Europe. (I wonder what the legendary German rudeness do when hit against this wall of affability and loud behaviour, that may be real fun to watch)

With no offense meant to any one area of people, The way to recognise the difference between the two types of tourists in absence of them talking is:

The Maharstrians- Normally the group is a couple along with their elderly parents and kids( parents compulsory, kids optional), the wife is normally saying something to stop her husband or kids from doing something.

The Gujaratis- Couples with or without a matched pair of kids , crumbs all around from the time they dust their hands after eating and talking at a volume which makes you think that they are very used to Indian mobile phone networks.

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Lastly, I am enclosing an article written by Shobha De which I think crystallizes the mindset of many a Mumbaiite today. I seriously think this is one of the best pieces of journalism I have ever read so my hats off to her.

Me, Marathi written by Shoba De

Correct me if I am wrong, Raj... but I consider myself an assal Marathi manoos. Born in Maharashtra to Maharashtrian parents etc. Proud to be Marathi (even though my language skills in my mother tongue are embarrassingly dodgy). I don't know how to make the perfect puran poli but I do love aamti.

This is clearly not enough anymore. Going by the checklist, I could be disqualified on several scores. I am married to a Bong, who has lived and worked in Mumbai for over 30 years (but alas, has not been appointed ambassador to the state of West Bengal yet!). He attends Durga Puja regularly and prefers maacher jhol to vangi bhaat.

Fortunately, we don't have a daughter-in-law to name a college after, either in Kolkata or Mumbai. And our children (like yours) did not attend Marathi-medium schools. We employ people based on their competence, not caste or region. And I have never asked the vegetable vendor, breadwalla, taxi driver, dhobi, sweeper, elevator attendant, security guard, pizza delivery boy or any of the other people who make my life easier, which part of India they come from.

This is Mumbai, meri jaan! Who cares where anyone comes from? Dhanda is all that matters. Mumbai is India 's most powerful magnet. Once you get here, you never leave. Don't believe me? Ask those innocent bhajjiwallas and doodhwallas who were beaten up and stoned by your men last week. Even with blood-soaked bandages around their heads, and broken hearts, they are staying put. As they should.

Aaah, the natak of your dramatised 'arrest' was not lost on anybody. Had Rakhi Sawant's slapping stunt not grabbed those eyeballs on Valentine's Day, viewers would still be stuck with the image of a nattily dressed you (mmmm...loved the styling), clambering in and out of the police van. If Rakhi cleverly stage-managed the incident, what should one say about your brilliant coup? Overnight, Raj Thackeray was elevated from being the discarded Thackeray to a national figure. In one well-orchestrated move, you went from being a neglected nephew of an ageing tiger, to a sharp-clawed, teeth-baring cub with an independent act of his own. The
circus acquired a brand new star attraction — you!

It was never easy being a Thackeray. Ask Balasaheb. If he targeted south Indians in the '60s, you smartly headed north. Same agenda, diametrically different directions. By questioning the bona fides of those who have made Maharashtra their home, both of you tapped into the vulnerabilities of the average Marathi manoos. It is worth asking the very people whose interests you are protecting, whether they really want to do the dirty work currently being handled by the northies.

Will the Marathi manoos agree to put in 18 hours a day plying taxis, selling veggies, washing clothes and so on? Who's stopping them from turning into vendors of milk, food grains, and other commodities? Perhaps, the Marathi manoos considers such occupations demeaning? The truth is, these jobs have always gone abegging, and there have been any number of hungry, unemployed people from other states ready and willing to grab them. Kick the 'outsiders' out at your own peril, and see what happens.

Why do farmers commit suicide in such numbers only in Maharashtra ? The answer, dear Raj, may surprise you.
In your defence, let me say you received the worst press — biased at best, and shrill to boot. Most of the semi-hysterical reporters from prestigious news channels were embarrassingly ill-informed as they blabbered incoherently each time a leaf moved outside the magistrate's court!

Surely, you are not complaining? Everything seems to be going according to the master plan. You have 'made it' in one swift move. And women are finding you kinda cute in that sleeveless baby blue pullover. Great copy, great photo ops. What more does a neta want? To keep Mayawati and Lalu out of Maharashtra ? Now, that's a tall order!